I sing this song almost everyday

This song is for you

You’d better listen

Tak pernah ku duga

Semuanya berubah

Saat kau memandangku

Tergetar hati ini

Kau berikan harapan tentang

Warna warni hariku

Semenjak ada dirimu

Dunia terasa indahnya

Semenjak kau ada di sini

Kumampu melupakannya

Kini aku tak sabar

Ingin hati kau untukku

Nyatakanlah kepadaku

Janji indah yang kutunggu

Semua kini tlah bersinar lagi

Tak kan kuingat dia

Semenjak ada dirimu

Dunia terasa indahnya

Semenjak kau ada di sini

Kumampu melupakannya

Semenjak ada dirimu

Dunia terasa indahnya

Semenjak kau ada di sini

Tak ingin melepaskanmu

Where were you?

When I needed you

Now that I found someone new

When you’re gone

This song is played over and over. I feel better if it is on my Winamp. Yes, after a big decision that I took about N. For your information, it is not like in the song, I haven’t got someone new. But I can detect a great sense of those words above. They bring nice atmosphere. They can sweet away all my miseries that can’t be resisted. I don’t know when it sounds boring in my ears.

What’s is your song favorite song rain? Share it here, if you don’t mind.

Dear Raina…

I’d like you to read this following story. At the first, I thought it was real. Then my friend said it is dramatically fiction. However I still envy it. Guess why? Yes I never had that kind of story when I was in at school. I was just a plain person. They notice me as normal student. Never break rules or even show a brilliant achievement. I always say to myself. I could do better thing. I could make a great history, make them feel awesome and the best thing is they would never forget me because I was so special in their eyes. Hehehe…you can call me freak, rain.

Uuppss…almost forgot, here ‘s the story . Take your time to read it.

**

Once again, all those words are fiction.

But I do, I do envy it.

As I have told you I am a plain student. All teachers never got angry to me. But they never gave me compliment. No wonder, when I came back to school, some of them almost forgot me. I know it sound pathetic.

How’s your high school life? You have written in your blog that you have fought with another student (correct me I f I am wrong). One thing is added to my list. I never fought. Hihihi.

I realize that I was such a person who tried to avoid a conflict. Few years later, I know the reason why. Deep down inside my mind and heart I wanted everything was in the right place. My ears were too sensitive for all high tones. My eyes were not allowed to see all shouting matches. Every cell in my brain said no to a mess. Ask me why?

The only answer is my family. It was really strict. There were a lot of things that I couldn’t do. They kept giving me warning if I was in wrong track. I couldn’t blame my D or M for all those things above that I missed. They wanted me to be a good girl that never made a red or even black cross in their big name. They got it. There wasn’t any letter from school that reported about my bad attitude. He he…

I know that they did those entire thing because they didn’t want to see me fall in the place that they thought was a worse as hell. They tried to protect me with their own way. They love me.

I could not blame them for everything that I don’t have now. God still gives me time to scratch a lot of great thing in my own book.

*Lift my hands and pray

Fuh..it is nice to share this thought. Thanks for reading it.

My day off

I had my holiday for almost three weeks. I had read some manga that I should have finished long time ago. Here they are

OURAN HOST CLUB. That’s the manga that I read recently. Yeah, I always buy hanalala. But I could not read them all. So when the holiday came, I spent my time with all those silly boys and Haruri. Hehehehe…Have you read them?

At the first time I didn’t like them much. The first reason is the picture is not too good. Beside the story is too weak. There is no such club. Even in an elite private school. It was too much. That time I didn’t use my imagination. It was too much. Hehehehe…The last reason was there are a lot of comments around the conversation bubbles. It made me get headache.

But then when I reread it again from the first chapter, Ouran Host Clun is not that bad. They are funny enough. Sometimes I can’t stop loving. I wish I could be in there school. But I will never get into the room. Until now I still think that all the students who become the host club costumer are silly. However I adore Mori-san. Hehehehehe…

Second manga was SKIP BEAT. I am sure you have read all the chapters. Did you download it or just read it from Elex?

I have read until the 5^th volume. The rest of them I finished few days ago. Why? Just like Ouran, Skip Beat also has a lot of words out of conversation bubble. Thanks god, I had my holiday. So I could open the plastic and read them all. ^_^

The story is nice. I could not stop laughing because of some scene. Especially when Kyoko was with her friend, Moko. All Kyoko’s efforts are amazing I like the way she tried to reach her way. However all of them because her revenge. What’s wrong with revenge? Ren hates Kyoko because of it. But sometimes we need it to release everything that bound us. We need it to make us feel satisfied. We need it to make another people feel what we feel. But Allah said that I could not do such things. He says that it is His right to give the punishment, not me. He tells us to learn to forgive someone who makes a big wound in our heart. Don’t you think it is difficult? But I know that He has great meaning behind all His Words.

I learn a lot from all those manga above. Some people said that manga just waste our time. But they are wrong. Manga not only sells dream but also teaches me many things. ^_^

I wish I could watch their anime. It is really hard to find them here…

To much sleeping will kill me

Dear Raina

This week I got a problem. If a lot of people out there complain about their insomnia. I got vise versa. I could not resist sleeping. I couldn’t stand to read or watch without sleeping. Argh… I wasted my time again. It makes me lazy to do anything. It looks like there is a germ or virus that keep telling my head that everything will be better by sleeping. They said that it would help me to solve my problem. Ugh…whereas I have a lot of important things to do. One of them is writing for you. But no matter how hard I try to stay awake, I always feel sleepy.

What a weirdo!!!!

Everybody knows that there is not any germ or virus. Diseases called laziness attacked me. Argh… I admit it. It is all because I lost my spirit. I was too worried about something. God has arranged everything. They have said it many times in the holy book. It is me who can’t use my free time to do something good. It is me who can’t control my mind, who let the bad prejudice take the first place. Rain, I wish you were to knock my head down. I still have a high pile of books and manga to read. Hey talk about manga, lets talk about it in another chapter, shall we?

Fuh…too much sleep will kill you. I hope you won’t have a same problem like me. Hehehehehe….

Tonight, the day when I wrote this for you, I promise to myself that I won’t go to bed earlier. I have to finish at least one book. There are some books, which need to be reviewed. Btw, have you seen my book blog? You can visit it someday if you are online. I have written some review. Btw, I am going to make review of our books (perpustakkan Ajaib Bibbi Bokken) too. Wait for it. ^_^

It's him

Dear Raina

I was mad. Fuh…I was too shy to admit that I have done a lot of silly thing s about one man. Because of him I closed my eyes for another man. I denied giving any changes to another man who offered me something. I could not think any man but him. I was in love. His shadow was around me all time.

Just called him N. He is a friend of mine. We have known each other since we were in senior high school. He is a nice man. He was always there when I had problem to share. He was the best listener. We used to share everything. He was one man that could make me feel comfort to reveal everything.

I didn’t know why, years go by, I found that I had a great wish about him. Yes, I was in love with him. I wish he looked at the same star. The craziest thing was I lifted my hand and prays. But there is not any power to tell him. Because I know I will ruin everything. So I just kept all these feelings alone. You must love me by Madonna was my favorite song. You used to see it in my signature, didn’t you? It was really hard to hide it.

I was a fool girl. It was so hard to admit it. My time was wasted. He shadows were everywhere. I could not blame him for not reading the signs or clues that I gave. I was sure he felt uncomfortable for all the attention that I gave or even he didn’t feel anything. I am so sorry N.

However it took more than a year for me to realize everything was useless. It is not easy for me to realize that there is the ONE who is going to accompany me until the rest of my life. Just like your last posting. hehe…The dream that I knitted just make my heart bruised. What a fool girl.

Now I am ready to say goodbye to my stupid feeling. There are a lot of dream to catch. Not like him who is out of reach. Now, Everyday I pray to God so he can tell my heart that everything is okay without him. I always tell my mind that he is just a friend. I could not ask for more.

Hahahaha… See, how desperate I am. But I know this is the best way.

Bye N…

Starting from a quote i read

There’s a quote from this man initialed J.D. I read it somewhere. I’ll just type it here ^^

I have a thought… the ONE God has meant for us is going to be the hardest to get, the hardest to keep, and the hardest to accept. Because through all that, love will grow stronger, bonds will become thicker, and the future will become more clear.

Love wasn’t made to be easy, otherwise, we wouldn’t end up with the RIGHT person, we would end up with the first one who came along. By struggling, we single out the wrong ones and realize who really is the ONE.

I agree that what God meant for us is never easy because it’s the best for us. To get/keep/accept what best for us is never easy. J So do love.

That’s why I always believe that love is never just about feeling, but also more to commitment and some other things. Without commitment and those other things, love won’t stay long.

And about realizing the one God has meant for us… it’s about making decision, I believe. We, at least me, can’t never be so sure if the one is really the one God has meant for us/me. But, once I keep this on my mind: once I make decision, once I meet someone and once we’re bounds in a marriage, he IS the one and he will be the only one. I will keep a faith that he’s the one God meant for me even if he’s not. Why?

It is because knowing the best and making decision is two different things, especially in marriage. For me, marriage is a sacred thing that only happened once in a lifetime. So, once I made a decision, it can’t be changed. None can change it, not even a divorce. ^^ Call me conservative, but that’s my belief. ^^a

Well, just giving comments about the quote I read yesterday. ^__^ How about you, Ally? Any other story from your side? Waiting for your side-story, Ally ^-^

See you later,
-raina-

Dear Ally,

Right now I’m gonna tell you about what happened last night at my workplace. Quite funny :P

Yesterday there’s a customer, just name her C8 (it’s her customer id) ^^ We’ve talked and have some chit chat several times. Last night I discovered that she has a side job as an insurance agent. She offered me a health insurance. She said, the minimum monthly payment is Rp300,000. So I told her to make the calculation for Rp300,000. But she suddenly said: “Come on, don’t take the Rp300,000 one lah, pay some more. You’re a rich girl, why only take the Rp300,000 lah?”

XD I laugh. I said: “Me? Rich? How come you say that? I’m not rich.” But she replied: “Come on, don’t lie to me. Your skin can’t lie. Your skin tells me that you’re a rich girl.” So, I look to my skin, and said: “Haha… this skin doesn’t even get any treatment, you know. I’m not a rich girl at all.” Then she said: “How come you get this fair skin then?” I said: “Don’t know. Maybe because of the food I eat since kids.”

Then she asked me: “What is it? Pork? (Several days ago I said her that pork is always available at my house everyday)” I just want to make some jokes, so I replied: “Yes, it’s because I eat pork everyday.” LOL

^^a I was surprised that someone thought that I’m a rich girl just because of this skin I have ^^a I don’t think this skin is so nice although I have no complain about my skin either J But… I start to think, do my skin is that fair so that some people will have the same opinion as her? ^^a

Oh, and one more thing, she also said that I’m a lucky person (just because I have big fingers). So I replied: “Yes, I am a lucky girl. Many people told me that way too, due to my big fingers, round face, etc.” XD rofl I can’t hold my laugh. Anyway, I’m not interested to buy the insurance :D Right now, I don’t think I need an insurance. J

Okay, my eyes gets blur blur blur right now. I have to take some nap first because I slept around 3am last night and woke up around 7am or 7.30am (and right now, when I write this, it’s 12pm). So, I’ll contact you soon ^____^b

Partner of yours,

-raina-

The Beginning of Idea

Writing on journal is one way to appreciate something that has happen in our life. That is one reason why there are piles of diary in our bookshelves. Because we believe that every day is special. Same thing won’t happen in one day. Writing all those things remind and teach us many things. Some people say it is silly. But for us, those entire journals are treasure. We love journals.

Time goes by, we are not only kept our treasure in a book. Technology allows us to save it in blog. So it is not only us who can read it but also our friends, acquaintances, or even stranger can read it. Of course we have manage which one that can be shared to others.

Bibbi Bokkens Magische Bibliothek, or Perpustakaan Ajaib Bibbi Bokken, a book that is written by Jostein Gaarder and Klaus Hagerup, has inspired us to make this online journal. It told about two cousins who shared letter-book. With that book, they wrote anything. That made us thought. If Berit and Nils could have it, why don’t we? It must be nice to have such that book.

I, Ally, have offered it to some friends but only Raina who say yes. So we decided to create it out diary online in some site. Multiply and Blogspot are chosen because it is not only easy but also have some nice features.

“rainally.multiply.com” and “rainally.blogspot.com” are ours. We are going to write anything on it. Our thought, mind, opinion, ideas or anything will be revealed. However some private area are only for our eyes.

We have written on it. We never know when we will stop. But I do enjoy this project. Who knows that we are going to create a great story?

Clueless

Few days ago, I read something on the back of a book. The author said that there would be three men in our life.

First, A man who loves us.

Second a man who we love, and

Last one a man that who is written in our destiny.

My question, which one do you choose?

If we wanna play save, probably it would be nice if we choose that man who love us. But think it over how is about our own feeling? Will we close our eyes and heart then deny all the feeling that we have inside? No I won’t. I’d prefer to a man that I love. It will be really nice to see someone that is always in our mind. I hope I will find him someday.

There were some men. But I have no idea about my feeling inside. There is no clue if it is love or not. Sometimes a part of me wishes that he would be a part of my life.

He is a nice man. He is always there if I need him. I feel comfort if he is near. However there is no sign that he sees the same star. And it makes me doubt. :’((

mmm..about the man that is written in our destiny, it is still a big mystery. I don’t want to talk about it. Because sooner or later he will stand right in front of me…will he be the man that I love or love me, only God knows. Let it be a mystery.

hehehe…I am so sorry if I make you read this Just wanna let out all this silly thing.

Moving Day

Dear Ally,

i can't wait to write more, so i write this now :) just want to tell you about what i'm doing right now and what i'm going to do today. I wake up a bit early today, just to meet someone on irc :D Thank goodness that someone is on irc and we're chatting right now :)

After chat awhile, i planned to go outside, checking my bank account, if my aunt already transfer the college fee and the monthly money for me, then go to the bank and pay the college fee. After that, visit my workplace to hands a flu medicine to my co-worker (i infected her, so it's my responsibility to give her meds) :)

Then, at the afternoon, i'll move. Need to rent a car and ask my old dorm-worker to help me moving. I need him to help me to set the shelfs and some other stuffs. Well, hope i can sleep in comfort tonight in my new dorm. Hehehe... don't want to sleep among boxes, right? :P

So, today is the last day i enjoy internet on my own room. hehehe.... next time i go online, i'll contact you first, Ally. Hope to hear from you soon :)

your online-partner,
-raina-

My monday, tuesday, and wednesday ^^

dear Ally,

How was my Monday? Hm... i forgot how my Monday is ^^;; Ah, Monday... was sick on Monday. Very very sick. Headache, a bit fever, and flu. But i go to work. I got afternoon shift on Monday. At work, i can't concentrate well, but i forced myself to do the best. Thank goodness i can do my job well that day. Go home around 10pm (it's pretty cold and i walk alone :( hiks...)

I do some packing (have to prepare to move) but i can't do much because of this illness. Not so much to do, but pretty tiring. *blames the flu* I go online a bit and off to bed, hoping i will get well tomorrow. But hope is just a hope, my condition got worse on Tuesday.

I keep going online (and we have appointment too, right? ^^) But after i drank medicines, i got very sleepy so i take some nap. That's why i smsed you that noon. After taking an hour nap, i wake up and continue packing. I do the packing for the whole day! ^^a

Today i woke up pretty early, start my day with 'putting a protective cover to my comics', read a chapter of my novel, continue packing, and go online a bit. Then i leave to work :) Again, i arrived at my dorm around 10pm T_T and keep sneezing tonight. The weather is a bit cold tonight. So i put my scarf on :D I think i will sleep wearing a sweater tonight :)

So, see you tomorrow morning, or another chance, Ally :) Take care ^_______^b

-raina-

My Monday

Dear raina…

Here I am again.

How was your Monday?
Let me tell you mine.

I got the payment of the project that I have done. It is not as big as the salary that I used to get when I taught in that English School. But it is enough to buy some book and comics. There were some books that I bought yesterday. ^_^ Most of them are children books. And At least BUDDHA 1 is on my hand. I am going to make the review. There are already five books about Buddha but I have to wait for another project. Wish me luck. ^_^

Arrived at home, I took a rest. I was going to attend my teacher’s wedding party and his birthday party. He is not only my teacher but also my ex manager in English school. I respect him a lot. He was a good and wise manager. When the invitation was in hand, I said to myself, I had to be there. So I asked my sister to accompany me, as usual. So she took me to Horizon hotel. Unfortunately, something wrong with the car. I am sure some parts are broken. Argh…. We decided to put the car in my cousin’s house and take becak (not pedicab) to the hotel. Argh…5 minutes later we arrived in front of the hotel. Wow, there was traffic jam. My teacher must have invited a lot of people. I had to queue to get into the hall. Hey …look at the pictures (my teacher took his wife in his arms) that they put in the front. There’s something wrong with it. He was smiling. But it was not sincere. I could see something burden his shoulder. Fuh… I hope it just my bad prejudice. Probably it is all because he is photogenic. Hehehehe…I gave him a lot of good wishes. Happy birthday, have a long life; have a great family, live happily ever after. ^_^

Back to my cousin’s house, we had chitchat. He said that the pipe was leaking. That’s is why the temperature is changing fast. Fuh… I think this is the right time to sell this old car. But I am not sure my parents will agree.

Hey I got sms from my friend. She said that she got a job in PLN. I was so excited. At least one of us passed. At least one of us stops using freelance label in her chest. . I congratulated her. Wow, I did a same thing twice. But I don’t know why there is a weird feeling inside. I can’t deny that I envy her. I wish I could get a phone call from the company a.s.a.p.fuh…I have to erase this feeling and change it become a energy to do something better. Astaghfirullah…