It's him

Dear Raina

I was mad. Fuh…I was too shy to admit that I have done a lot of silly thing s about one man. Because of him I closed my eyes for another man. I denied giving any changes to another man who offered me something. I could not think any man but him. I was in love. His shadow was around me all time.

Just called him N. He is a friend of mine. We have known each other since we were in senior high school. He is a nice man. He was always there when I had problem to share. He was the best listener. We used to share everything. He was one man that could make me feel comfort to reveal everything.

I didn’t know why, years go by, I found that I had a great wish about him. Yes, I was in love with him. I wish he looked at the same star. The craziest thing was I lifted my hand and prays. But there is not any power to tell him. Because I know I will ruin everything. So I just kept all these feelings alone. You must love me by Madonna was my favorite song. You used to see it in my signature, didn’t you? It was really hard to hide it.

I was a fool girl. It was so hard to admit it. My time was wasted. He shadows were everywhere. I could not blame him for not reading the signs or clues that I gave. I was sure he felt uncomfortable for all the attention that I gave or even he didn’t feel anything. I am so sorry N.

However it took more than a year for me to realize everything was useless. It is not easy for me to realize that there is the ONE who is going to accompany me until the rest of my life. Just like your last posting. hehe…The dream that I knitted just make my heart bruised. What a fool girl.

Now I am ready to say goodbye to my stupid feeling. There are a lot of dream to catch. Not like him who is out of reach. Now, Everyday I pray to God so he can tell my heart that everything is okay without him. I always tell my mind that he is just a friend. I could not ask for more.

Hahahaha… See, how desperate I am. But I know this is the best way.

Bye N…